Are you motivated by failure?

K likes to get in the way of closing elevator doors, revolving doors, kids coming down slides, or swinging on swings, and then quickly gets out of the way just before they hit him.

I guess he likes the adrenaline rush or thrill of it, and it makes things difficult in these places for us.

Yesterday however he tried to do that on the road with traffic.

A few seconds of fixing the baby's hat and from the corner of my eye I saw him standing in the road. It was not a main road, and cars were very far that I had enough time to run and get him.

It has been difficult getting around with baby and stroller, and K always on his own agenda where ever we go, but this one takes the cake, or at least my sanity.

As adamant as I am about getting out despite baby, weather or social challenges, even I need some time to get over this little incident before I step out the door with K again.

Although he is the same, and he will always be him, I have found myself increasingly frustrated with having to manage him everywhere.

In the pools, changing rooms, mosques, gatherings, outings, super markets, and so on. It is almost as if life is changing and I need K to change and keep up, and he is, God bless him, but he will never be able to match the rate of change of his peers, his family, his siblings.

Only the family with autism knows the challenges of these little things, which no one outside our world can truly comprehend. Where others will take on more challenging situations and activities, motivated by their children's progress and desire to do things. We will do it despite lack of progress and our child's lack of desire to do things.

We are sleep deprived, tired, under-resourced, isolated, thick skinned, determined.

We are insane and motivated by failure.