Sunday, 2 May 2010
I thought acceptance had various stages. A sort of linear continuum. Denial, overwhelming grief, fight or flight, dialogue, rising above the challenge, failure, bitterness, detachment and maybe finally acceptance.
I am however discovering that, at least in my case, this progression is almost cyclical. There is no time span to this cycle. I am at any given moment immersed in multiple instances of it, each instance at a different level in its progression. Some taking months and years, some lasting a few severe minutes. In this dynamic emotional multiplism I often get lost searching for purpose and meaning.
When things are good, I see possibilities, I raise the bar and belief synchronizes thoughts, plans and actions. It is however in this moment that the world slows down, the mind, for a brief lapse, allows itself to wander the forbidden universe of “what could have been”, a dangerous, dangerous place. For the inevitable return from this place will surely reset all my acceptance cycles back to level zero.